Divorce: What Parents Do Wrong

Divorce: What Parents Do Wrong

Navigating Divorce with the Heart of an Impactful Parent

Divorce is rarely just the end of a legal contract; for parents, it often feels like the end of a world. The guilt of “breaking up the family” can be paralyzing, leading many to stay in unhappy situations for years just to maintain a traditional household.

But what if we shifted that narrative? What if divorce wasn’t about what was broken, but about what could be built?

In a recent episode of The Impactful Parent, I sat down with Nicole Sodoma, a veteran divorce attorney and author of Please Don’t Say You’re Sorry. We dove deep into the common mistakes parents make during a split and, more importantly, how to avoid them to ensure your children don’t just survive this transition—but thrive.

1. The Myth of the “Failed Family”

One of the most powerful takeaways from our conversation was addressing the “failed family burden.” Nicole reminds us that your children didn’t choose this, but you still have the opportunity to show them what a healthy, loving relationship (or a respectful co-parenting one) looks like. If your household is full of conflict, you aren’t providing the “perfect family” you think you are. Moving forward is an opportunity to show your children resilience and authenticity.

2. Stop Using Your Kids as Messengers

It seems innocent: “Tell Dad I’ll be there at 5:00.” However, even simple logistics can become a “messenger mistake.” When we use our kids as conduits for information, we place them in a loyalty bind. They don’t know how the other parent will react, and that uncertainty erodes their sense of safety.

The Solution: Use technology. Shared email accounts or co-parenting apps ensure both parents get the same information at the same time, directly from the source (teachers, coaches, doctors).

3. The “Disney Dad” vs. The Equal Parent

Nicole and I discussed a common post-divorce trap: overcorrection. Often, the parent who was less involved in daily care tries to become the “fun parent” or “Disney parent” to win the children’s favor. True empowerment for fathers (and all parents) comes from stepping into the nitty-gritty. Knowing the pediatrician’s name, the school schedule, and the bedtime routine isn’t just “work”—it’s how you build a deep, meaningful connection with your kids.

4. The “Last Sentence” Rule for Social Media

In the age of oversharing, your public persona matters. Nicole shared a brilliant tip from a colleague: Before you hit “send” on an email or “post” on social media, delete the last sentence. Usually, that last sentence is the one fueled by ego or a desire for a “dig.” Keeping your communication clean and child-focused protects you legally and protects your children emotionally.

5. Set Your Own Boundaries (The Power of the Pause)

The most impactful boundary you can set isn’t with your ex—it’s with yourself. You do not need to respond to a text or email in real-time unless it is a genuine emergency. By giving yourself space between the stimulus (a frustrating text) and your response, you stay in control of the narrative.

Final Thoughts

Divorcing well requires two emotionally mature humans, but even if your ex isn’t there yet, you can choose the higher road. Walk into every school play or graduation thinking: “What does my child need from me right now?” Usually, they just need to see that you are stable, reliable, and that your love for them is far greater than any dislike for your ex.

Want to dive deeper into these strategies? Watch the full interview with Nicole Sodoma here or check out her book, Please Don’t Say You’re Sorry