Understanding Teen Self Harm: Myths vs. Reality

Understanding Teen Self-Harm: Myths vs. Reality

Host: Kristina Campos, The Impactful Parent

Introduction: Why April is a Hard Month

Kristina opens the podcast by acknowledging that self-harm is a heavy subject. She notes that statistically, April is a notoriously difficult month for children and teenagers, often seeing a spike in self-harm and suicide rates. She encourages parents to “get through April,” as things often begin to look up by May when the sun comes out and summer break approaches.

The Foundation: Connection Over Everything

When a parent is terrified that their child is going down a path of self-harm, Kristina’s primary advice is to prioritize connection.

• Forget the small stuff: Put aside worries about grades, chores, or after-school activities.

• Belonging is key: Children need to feel they have a place of belonging to stay mentally healthy.

• Meet them where they are: If they only want to play video games, sit next to them and watch or play along. The goal is one-on-one time without judgment.

What is Self-Harm?

Self-harm is defined as hurting oneself to deal with difficult feelings, painful memories, or trauma.

• Common Forms: Cutting and carving (most common in girls), and punching or hitting oneself (most common in boys).

• Average Age: The average age for a first incident of self-harm is 13 years old, though it can start earlier.

Warning Signs for Parents

Parents should be observant of physical and behavioral changes:

• Clothing choices: Wearing long sleeves or pants on warm days or refusing to go to the pool/beach (to hide marks on arms, legs, or the torso).

• Physical marks: Fresh cuts, scratches, bruises, or even “rug burns” caused by excessive rubbing to create pain.

• The “Clumsy” Excuse: Frequent reports of accidental injuries.

Debunking Common Myths

1. Myth: Self-harm means they want to die.

   • Reality: Self-harm is usually a coping mechanism to deal with emotional pain. While it must be taken seriously, it is often impulsive, whereas suicide attempts are typically more planned.

2. Myth: It’s just for attention.

   • Reality: Most self-harm is hidden due to shame and guilt. While it can be a “cry for help,” the child usually needs better coping skills, not a lecture.

3. Myth: It’s just a phase.

   • Reality: Self-harm is not a normal developmental phase. It requires vigilance and professional support to prevent it from spiraling into bigger issues.

The Importance of Role Modeling

Kristina shares a personal moment, reminding parents that children are always watching how we handle our own stress. By taking care of our own mental health and managing our “big emotions,” we show our teens how to do the same.

Action Steps and Resources

• Seek Professional Help: A therapist can help a child build productive coping strategies.

• Download the “20 Ways to Cope” Guide: Kristina offers a free PDF with over 20 strategies to help teens manage their emotions.

  • URL: theimpactfulparent.com/20waystocope

• When to get Emergency Help: If you see signs of your child giving away possessions, talking about death, or looking for ways to die online, take them to an emergency room for an immediate evaluation.

Final Thought from Kristina: “Hang in there. Focus on the connection with your child. You got this.”