Teenage Heartbreak: 5 Ways to help your child cope Watch the video instead- HERE.
When did you experience your first heart tbreak? Middle School? I think heartbreak is one of the worst emotions of anyone’s life because the essence of heartbreak is not just one emotion. It is 10 thousand emotions all at once. And if heartbreak wasn’t bad enough to experience- as parents, we have to watch our children go through heartache too. In a lot of ways, this is worse! No one can prepare you for watching your child feel sadness, confusion, and emotional pain; and be powerless to stop it. We all understand that heartbreak makes us question EVERYTHING, your mind races, and you can’t sleep. You start examining all the what-if scenarios possible, and the pain in your chest takes your breath away. You’re body physically hurts, and either you can’t eat or eat everything in sight. As parents, we know that our child’s next love is just around the corner- but you need to remember that they can’t see that. To them, it feels like the end of the world, and they will be love-less for the rest of their life. They don’t have the life experience yet to understand that with time- life finds a way to recover.
So how do we help our children manage the heartbreak? I will be honest and tell you that I don’t believe there is much parents can do. Unfortunately, heartbreak is only cured by TIME and THE ONE that has hurt you. The main thing parents can do is BE THERE for our children in case they need a listening ear. Here is how you do that.
Teenage Heartbreak Help 1: Validate your child’s feelings. Don’t take their emotions away from them by saying statements like, “He wasn’t good enough for you anyway” or “You’ll find someone else soon.” These statements are empathy busters and belittle their feelings. Your child needs to feel the pain so they can learn how to deal with it. With luck, this won’t be their first heartbreak, and the next one might be after they leave home. Also, feeling the emotions allows your child to process the feelings instead of shoving them to the side and ignoring them. Most of us are guilty of the “shove feels deep down, so I don’t have to deal with them” coping technique, but we also know that this coping technique just prolongs the hurt and causes unresolved issues for later.
Teenage Heartbreak Help 2: Support your child’s decision for the breakup. Just because your child initiated the breakup, doesn’t mean they aren’t hurting inside. I applaud my children for making such a daring and challenging decision. Coaching your child in “good break up” behavior is excellent, but don’t try to change their mind.
Teenage Heartbreak Help 3: Don’t take sides or bad mouth the love interest. The main reason for this is to role model healthy habits, but also so you don’t dig yourself a hole. Children are notorious for thinking that the relationship is over, but getting back together in a week. If you try to make your child feel better by putting down the love interest or pointing out all their flaws- then your child might be embarrassed to tell you they got back together. Now, the child thinks you don’t like their love interest, and this is why they will hide their relationships from you. Plus, they will be embarrassed. Keeping the lines of communication open with your tween/teen is a high priority! If you bad mouth their love, then they won’t feel trusted to come to you later.
Teenage Heartbreak Help 4: Provide a little distraction. Sometimes the feelings are overwhelming, and your child might need a “break” from their own emotions. I am NOT saying that you distract them so much that they avoid their feelings, but instead, you provide your child the opportunity to take a break from their life. Watch a movie, go to their favorite restaurant, or take their friends out for an afternoon outing. Also, consider talking to your child about staying away from technology. Social media posts can make all the feels worse. Talk to your child about the dangers of hanging out on social media during this painful time.
Teenage Heartbreak Help 5: Get ready for Jackal and Hide. Your tween may become so emotional that their personality will go from sweet puppy one second to an angry wolf the next. They likely feel out-of-control and overwhelmed with emotion and don’t know which one to express. They will be irritable, short-tempered, and cry at the drop of a hat. Give your child space to be a little crazy. Let them express those emotions and warn others in the house of their sensitivities. Allowing your child to scream, to kick and cry- will also enable them to process the hurt.
Heartbreak sucks, but it is also an inevitable lesson of life. Be there for your child and LISTEN. Sometimes, that’s all they need.
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