Back to School 2020 is a parody. This Back To School 2020 Parody is not a representation of any particular school. It is for entertainment purposes only!
Good Morning Trojans! Welcome back to school 2020 – 2021 school year. I am Ms. Campos, your head of school or principal. (not really) First of all, thank you for entrusting your children to our care. (because we know you are going crazy at home) We will be doing our best to keep your child safe. (although nothing is full proof) Thank you for filling out the survey we sent this summer, indicating your intentions for the school year. (We only got a few of these back because you had no idea of your plans until a day ago.) It seems like many of you did not know what to do with your kids 
because the struggle to send them to us versus go insane at home can be a tough decision. BUT I will assure you that no matter your choice- your children are resilient. (and there is no right choice nor correct choice.) Let us begin with our in-person model for learning! Your child will be put into a cohort that ensures that they are interacting with only a limited about of people. (This means that the same teachers will be taking care of your children all day, every day. They will be accepting wine donations.) Your child’s cohort will start school at 8:25 on Mondays, Tuesdays, and Fridays and begin at 8:07 on Wednesdays and Thursdays. Please do not arrive at the school for more than 5 minutes before your child’s start time. (Because that is impossible) Every morning we will be asking you to fill out a wellness check and submit to us with your child’s temperature and symptoms. (We know you are going to lie about taking their temperature, but we are required to ask you to do this.) Then we will retake their temperature upon school arrival (because we know you lied on the form). Also, please do not forget to pack your children at lunch every day. There will be no hot lunch services this year nor any use of microwaves. (This means your child will be living off sandwiches and cold leftovers.) If you forget to give your child their lunch, you cannot come to campus. (We do not want you to see this crazy mess we are in.) There are no campus visitations this year. (Once carline is over, no one goes in and no one goes out- kind of like Hotel California.) To limit contact, we will be going as paperless as possible this school year (really, our budget is meager, and we must cut corners somewhere). Many assignments will be electronic. We also had to add a few extra supplies to the supply list this year, so please do not forget your lawn chair for outdoor school- (but please, no chair too big or too fancy. This is going to cause fights) And we need several extra containers of Clorox Wipes (which you can’t find anywhere in the stores- so instead buy tequila or moonshine for your teachers who will need it to disinfect and keep their sanity). On the plus side, you will be attending back to school night from the comfort of your own home (because there is NO WAY we can get teachers to work after 4 pm this year without a strike.) 
If you decide to take the online option of schooling, we will be sure to post all your assignments and resources on the school’s website for easy access. (However, it will take you all morning to find the assignments.) We highly encourage you to designate a spot in your home a particular for your child to do their school work (and PLEASE stop walking around in your underwear in the background) and that you remember your child’s classroom will be live streaming. (This means, hide your liquor, and stop arguing with your spouse in the background.) Our teachers will be providing you an online school option that is academically challenging and rich in content. (This means a lot of project-based learning, and you as the guide, so I hope you do not work from home because that might be a nightmare.)
We are proud to be opening our school for your family, and we hope you take this opportunity to donate any support you can give us through our school’s website. (Because we cannot have our major fundraising gala anymore that is the pillar of the school’s financial stability.) New to our school’s store are tie-dyed masks! Check them out! (Because we cannot have the kids selling butter braids and holiday wreaths this year.)
Welcome back to school 2020 school year! Each day is one-day-at-a-time, but we are all in this together!
For more Impactful Parent content SUBSCRIBE TO THE IMPACTFUL PARENT YOUTUBE CHANNEL. New videos released each week. PLUS- follow The Impactful Parent on social media and check out https://theimpactfulparent.com
Facebook: www.facebook.com/theimpactfulparent
Instagram: www.instagram.com/theimpactfulparent
Pinterest: www.pinterest.com/theimpactfulparent
LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/company/theimpactfulparent
Twitter: www.twitter.com/impactfulparent