How Parents Unintentionally Hurt Their Child’s Self-Esteem

Parent can kill a child’s self-esteem and not even know they are doing it! Did you have a parent like that? Many parents reflect the blame. They think, “I compliment my child all the time! How could I be hurting my child’s self-esteem?

Well, parents do unintentionally destroy their child’s self-esteem, but I do not want YOU to do that! Today we are going to talk about 12 ways that parents unintentionally destroy their child’s self-esteem.

Hello. My name is Kristina Campos, founder of The Impactful Parent. I help parents of school aged children turn their chaos into connection with their adolescence. I am a mom of four kids, a teacher that has taught every grade from pre-school to high school, and today I help moms and dads, like yourself, to navigate the exhausting, confusing, frustrating, and rewarding world of parenting. WELCOME TO THE IMPACTFUL PARENT! Let’s get started.

How parents unintentionally hurt their child’s self-esteem #1: Overprotection. When parents do everything for their child, they may unknowingly send the message that the child is not capable of tackling tasks independently.

How parents unintentionally hurt their child’s self-esteem #2: Not allowing kids to make decisions. Making all the decisions for the child can undermine their sense of autonomy and make them feel like their opinions and choices do not matter.

How parents unintentionally hurt their child’s self-esteem #3: Neglect When parents fail to provide emotional support, validation, and attention, children may internalize the belief that they are not important or worthy of love. This lack of emotional connection can significantly impact their self-esteem and overall well-being.

Also, don’t forget about micro-neglect. This is a term I use to describe when a parent pays “half-ass” attention to their child. For example, the parent shows with their body language or words that they are not interested in what the child is saying. Or the parent intentionally withholds affection from their child because they were “bad.” Sometimes micro-neglect comes out when a parent ignores a child because they are too busy with work or other adult obligations.

How parents unintentionally hurt their child’s self-esteem #4: Trying to Make Them Happy All the Time I call this the “everyone gets a ribbon” problem. Many children do not know how to take loss anymore due to society giving everyone a prize and not allowing the child to experience defeat.

How parents unintentionally hurt their child’s self-esteem #5: Never apologizing. This makes the child feel less and unimportant. Over time, a child can feel unworthy of an apology.

How parents unintentionally hurt their child’s self-esteem #6: Rushing to help too soon. This sends the message to the child that they are not capable of doing the activity without help. It inadvertently tells kids that “I don’t believe you can accomplish this task.”

How parents unintentionally hurt their child’s self-esteem #7: Comparison. Comparing a child to their siblings, peers, or other children can be damaging to their self-esteem. When parents constantly compare their child to others, they send the message that the child is not good enough as they are. This can lead to feelings of inadequacy and low self-worth.

How parents unintentionally hurt their child’s self-esteem #8: Being too critical and name calling. Parents who regularly insult or belittle their child may cause them to feel worthless and inadequate. (“You are so lazy,” “that was stupid of you.”) Critical comments from parents like, “You could have tried harder,” or “You should have done this instead,” can also erode a child’s self-esteem.

How parents unintentionally hurt their child’s self-esteem #9: Expectations and Pressure Expectations will cause children to feel constant stress to perform perfectly. This can lead to feelings of failure and a diminished sense of self-worth. This is true of most expectations ranging from expecting your child to be heterosexual to viewing your child as an extension of yourself. Even hoping for your child to succeed in ways that you did not could be a slippery slope.

How parents unintentionally hurt their child’s self-esteem #10: Breaking your promises. This makes kids feel unimportant to you. They feel unprioritized and not worthy.

How parents unintentionally hurt their child’s self-esteem #11: Shutting down their feelings. Parents can invalidate their feelings with comments like, “Don’t worry about it,” or “There is no reason to be upset here,” but shutting down your child’s feelings comes in many forms. Even invading your child’s privacy can be considered a form of dismissing their feelings. In fact, the most common form of parents shutting down their child’s feelings (in my opinion) is making the child do things their way all the time. 

How parents unintentionally hurt their child’s self-esteem #12: Dismiss their efforts When a parent dismisses a child’s efforts, even unintentionally, it tells the child that their efforts do not count and were not noticed.

If this was of value to you today, check out the episode called, How to Improve My Daughter’s Self Esteem. Episode 220

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But until next time, you got this, parents. I am just here to help.