How Will I Know If I Am Ready To Be A Parent?

The sleepless nights, but warm cuddles and kisses.

The tantrums, but the kind and loving human you will raise.

The carpools, the minivans, the school dances, the screaming matches, and the hugs.

Today I am going to explore the question, “Is Parenting Worth It?”

 

Hello. My name is Kristina Campos, founder of The Impactful Parent. I help parents of school-aged children, who want to be one step ahead of their kids, turn their chaos into connection with their adolescence. I am a mom of 4 kids, a teacher who has taught every grade from pre-school to high school, and today I help moms and dads, like yourself, to navigate the exhausting, confusing, frustrating, and rewarding world of parenting. WELCOME TO the IMPACTFUL PARENT!

 

Today I am exploring the idea, is parenting worth it? And stick around until the end because I am also giving you answers to that age old question of, “How do I know if I am ready to be a parent?”  Come join me!

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Whether parenting is worth it or not is a subjective question that varies for everyone. However, here are five potential pros and cons of parenting that might have you thinking about whether parenting is worth it for you! Let’s begin.

 

Pros:

1.   Love and Emotional Connection: Being a parent can bring immense joy and fulfillment through the love and emotional connection shared with a child. The bond formed with a child can be incredibly rewarding. I would NEVER suggest that loneliness be a reason to become a parent. Hold caution if you suspect you want to be a parent due to loneliness because parenting can often cause a different kind of loneliness that most people don’t suspect. Having a child is not a companion. It is not a replacement for a life partner or physical affection. Having said that, the love you can experience with your child has the potential to surpass anything you have ever experienced before. That love is amazing.
2.   Personal Growth: Parenting often challenges individuals to grow personally and develop important qualities like patience, empathy, and resilience. It can provide an opportunity for self-reflection and personal development. There is nothing like parenting to bring up feelings from your past that you didn’t even know you needed to resolve. Parenting has the potential to “make you grow up,” self-reflect, and work on self-improvement. Also, parenting is a great learning experience.It provides an opportunity to gain experience and grow alongside your child. You get to witness their milestones, support their education, and help them navigate the world, which can be a rewarding experience.
3.   Sense of Purpose: Being a parent can give a person a strong sense of purpose and meaning in life. Raising a child and watching them grow can provide a sense of accomplishment and fulfillment. When you become a parent, you will find that you are no longer living for yourself, but you are also living for others. A child or children will rely on you. This sense of purpose is strong and requires you to lean into living for something bigger than yourself.
4.   Building a Family: For many people, creating a family and having children is an important part of their life plan. It allows you to build a family unit and establish strong connections with your child and extended family members. Many people believe that children are an extension of themselves; thus, having children is also a way of leaving a legacy. Whether you want to continue the family last name or leave something/someone behind so you will be remembered when you pass from this earth, having children can be a way of passing down family traditions, names, and values.

Cons:

1.   Lack of Personal Time and Freedom: Parenting requires a significant amount of time and energy. It can limit personal time and freedom as the needs of the child take priority. Everyone will tell you about this, but until you experience it for yourself, I don’t feel that people can grasp the magnitude of how much time and energy children take. All the little freedoms of being able to do whateveryou want, whenever you want, will be gone. Parenting brings on a huge loss of independence. Having a child may result in a loss of personal independence and the need to prioritize the needs and well-being of the child over individual desires and aspirations.
2.   Financial Responsibilities: Raising a child can be expensive, requiring financial resources for necessities like food, clothing, education, healthcare, and extracurricular activities. It’s important to consider the financial impact of parenting. It is also important to note that the beginning of parenting is expensive when you’re trying to buy all the new items a child may need, but the cost of parenting will also increase again during the teen years as your child will eat more, have more expensive clothes, and need money to do anything extracurricular like sports, clubs, and everything in between.
3.   Sleep Deprivation and Exhaustion: Taking care of a child, especially during the early years and teen years, often involves sleepless nights and exhaustion, which can take a toll on physical and mental well-being. There is little you can do to elevate this. Just expect many sleepless nights.
4.   Challenges and Responsibility: Parenting involves numerous challenges and responsibilities, including decision-making, discipline, and providing emotional and physical support to a child. It can be demanding and overwhelming at times. The responsibility of parenting is very heavy, and for some people, it is not an extra burden worth bearing.

What about the teen years? Many wanna-be parents are excited about having a new baby and are ready for the challenges of parenting a little bundle of joy, but the teenage years can feel scary. I get that. The teen years are tough, just like a newborn, and toddlers are tough ages too. Teen years are just a different kind of “tough.”

I am a mom of 4 children. In my opinion, parenting is challenging in the beginning when you are learning the ropes and trying to find your parenting groove. Newborns, toddlers, and kids under 6 can take a lot of time, energy, and effort to parent. Then, around age 6-12, parenting may get a little easier for you. Kids at this age will be going to school (giving you more time during the day for yourself IF you don’t have a 9-5 job) and this age is also somewhat more independent because these kids can dress themselves and do some self-care activities that you had to do for your child previously. Then the teen years will set in, and parenting gets challenging again. More sleepless nights, more costly expenses, and more time and energy to invest into your child… But now it is different.

How will I know if I am ready to be a parent?

If you think you want to be a parent, congratulations! Here are 5 things to consider when discovering your self-readiness to be a good parent. Please remember that these are only my suggestions, and every person, pregnancy, and child are different.

1. Financial Stability: Being able to provide for a child financially is an important indicator. This includes having a stable job or source of income and being able to budget for the expenses that come with raising a child. Questions to ask yourself are:

1. 1. Do I have a steady income that provides enough money for child expenses? At the time of this recording, the average cost to raise a child per year is approximately 21K.

1. 1. Are you willing to take your hard-earned income and spend it on someone else with nothing in return?

1. Emotional Readiness: feeling emotionally prepared to take on the responsibilities of parenting, including the ability to handle stress, prioritize the needs of a child, and provide a nurturing and supportive environment. Questions to ask yourself are:

1. 1. Do you handle stress without yelling, hitting, throwing things, or being aggressive?

1. 1. Did you have a rough childhood? Are there childhood traumas that you haven’t worked out yet and made peace with?

1. 1. Are you willing to put someone else’s needs above your own, even if the person you are prioritizing is not grateful or can’t give anything back?

1. 1. Do you know how to take care of a child? Are you willing to read books, take classes, or ask for help?

1. 1. *** Note that I highly recommend going to a therapist or other mental health professional before diving into parenthood. Make sure that your traumas from the past are not affecting you now because parenting will resurface these traumas and cause much more damage later if they have not been resolved or worked on. Going through about 6 months of therapy before embarking on parenthood can be an AMAZING opportunity to develop and gauge parenting readiness.

1. Relationship Stability: A stable and supportive relationship with a partner, or a strong support system if raising a child as a single parent, is important. It’s essential to have a strong foundation and effective communication with the co-parent or support network. Questions to ask yourself are:

1. 1. Do I have a solid support network to help me raise this child?

1. 1. Do I have people who are willing to babysit?

1. 1. Do I have people willing to help me with the kids in case of an emergency?

1. 1. Do I have people I can talk to when I get frustrated?

1. 1. Do I have other parent-friends or relatives who have done this before and can offer tips and advice when I don’t know what to do?

1. 1. ***Note that the answer to these questions doesn’t have to be yes, but if you are answering no to any of the questions above, do you have other resources that can take the place of people? For example, if you don’t have anyone willing to babysit for you, do you have the means to get a nanny or pay for a babysitter? If you do not have someone who can give you advice or give you a listening ear to vent frustrations, are you ready to seek out help on your own with a parenting coach or parenting classes?

1. Personal Development: Feeling content with personal development and readiness to shift focus towards being responsible for the growth and development of another human being. This could include feeling fulfilled with personal goals and being in a mindset to prioritize the needs of a child. Questions to ask yourself are:

1. 1. Do you feel good about your work schedule and that it provides adequate time to spend with a child?

1. 1. Are you willing to devote your time to a child instead of a promotion at work if that promotion interferes with your parenting time and responsibilities?

1. Lifestyle Considerations: Evaluate one’s current lifestyle and how it would need to change to accommodate a child. This could involve assessing living arrangements, daily routines, and the ability to incorporate parenting responsibilities into one’s life. Questions to ask yourself are:

1. 1. Do I have enough space to live with another person in this house?

1. 1. Am I ready to spend most weekends at home with my child, instead of going out with friends?

1. 1. Am I ready to wake up early and stay up late to care for a child?

1. 1. Will I be upset if I must give up what I want to buy so that the child can have what they need or want?

1. 1. Am I ready to have less time for myself?

1. 1. Am I ready to put someone else’s needs above my own?

These indicators are only a guide, but they can provide valuable insight into whether someone is ready to embark on the journey of becoming a parent.

Remember, being a parent is a fulfilling yet challenging responsibility, and there is no one-size-fits-all approach to parenting readiness. It’s important to consider various factors, such as emotional maturity, financial stability, and a supportive network, as well as your willingness to learn and adapt as you embark on the journey of parenthood.

But this I can tell you; I am here to help you if you need me, and so are many, many other parenting professionals. Find your tribe before you start on this journey, and get ready for a wild ride. You can do this, and I will be here to help you when you get to the school-aged years. Come find me at theimpactfulparent.com.

 

Thank you for joining me today. Remember that this episode is just a small part of what the Impactful Parent offers. Also available are online courses, parent support groups, coaching services, and the Impactful Parent app! Find out more by going to theimpactfulparent.com.

Begin your Impactful Parent journey by downloading the Impactful Parent app! The Impactful Parent app is FREE so you can carry help, tips, and parenting resources right in your pocket. Discover new techniques to make your parenting more effective and get parenting resources that will make your life easier.

Download the app today! You got nothing to lose since it’s free to download, so go to theimpactfulparent.com or go to your phone’s app store, search Impactful Parent, and discover how you can step up your parenting game and be a more impactful parent.

But until next time, you got this, parents. I am just here to help.