Building connection with your child can be difficult and even more difficult if you have lots of expectations. This blog talks about how parent expectations hurt the parent-child relationship.
“Ms. Campos, I know I am disappointing my parents. I’ve tried my best, but nothing I do is ever right. How am I going to tell them that I failed again?”
-Anonymous Teen
Your child has likely felt the same way at some point. It is a common occurrence for children to feel like they have disappointed their parents. Yep, EVEN YOUR CHILD! It is not our intention to make our kids feel this way, but we do it all the time. How? Expectations. We expect more from our children than anyone else. “What? No, I don’t Kristina. Not me,” you might be saying. Well, I am going to challenge you on that thought.
We all start parenthood with an ideal dream. Think back to your pregnancy with your first child. You had high hopes and were full of excitement. You wanted that happy family. You probably even daydreamed about your new life as a parent and envisioned your child in your imagination. You saw yourself parenting better than your parents did and raising a fantastic human being who was going to turn out successful.
Building Connection
What does “successful” mean to you? I challenge you to stop here for a moment and brainstorm words that equal success in your mind. Does that mean to have a good job, make a certain amount of money, or have a certain amount of independence? Then, what does your child have to do to BE successful? Get good grades, not play video games, become a good athlete, be heterosexual, or dress a certain way? These questions take time to answer and a lot of soul searching, but if you take the analysis seriously- then you will get to the heart of your expectations.
Expectations hurt our relationship with our children. Eventually, children will fall short of meeting our expectations, and when they do- they feel hopeless, sad, confused, and worthless. Over time, if our child keeps feeling that they are not living up to our expectations, they can eventually give-up all together, feel unlovable, and disconnect from our parent-child relationship.
Do you remember having those feelings as a child? Which of your parent’s expectations did YOU not meet? Consider reflecting on your own childhood and your own hidden expectations you have for your child, then watch this week’s Bigger Impact Video on Wednesday, where I will discuss this topic further. Step one is acknowledging these expectations so that we can move into a better and closer relationship with our kids!
For the video that accompanies this blog, please click the link below.
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