Parenting: Be Proud of Your Kids For YOUR Mental Health

Hello, friends. Welcome to this next episode again, a different one of inside my head, the podcast where I am completely unedited and just talking off the top of my head and telling you what’s inside of my brain, but I’m challenging you with some parenting topics that I’d like for you to ponder. And today, I’d like to think about how we are proud of our children, of things they’ve done in the past. And the reason I want to focus on this is because this time of year, there’s so much hustle and bustle and craziness and parents trying to make magic happen that I feel like we’re all really stressed out. And I think it’s time not only to focus on gratitude of things, but just how much we really do appreciate our kids and how far they have become in their in their upbringing and in their development. It’s so hard to see when you’re that close up that you can’t you can. You don’t see the big picture sometimes. So we need to step back and have these moments where we see the big picture of our kids and how they really are changing and getting better and doing awesome, so that we can focus on that and it revives our soul. So I challenge you for that today, and now you get to get inside my head and discover how I’m proud of my kids and what things that I’ve learned through their upbringing, through the things that we’ve done together, and I hope that you can learn and benefit from some of the things I’m saying today. So welcome to the Impactful Parenting Podcast, and let’s get going. Okay. Today’s question that I am prompting to you is, is there moments, or what moments are there? Because I know you have some like that you felt especially proud of your children’s accomplishments. All right, so important to focus on this. I’m going to start with the youngest, and I’m going to get older, and I think I’m starting with the youngest one, because my youngest is the hardest one to do as I she’s at this time of the recording. She’s only 12, and so she hasn’t lived as long, there hasn’t been as much life experience, right? But, gosh, I’m so proud of her. One of the things that I’m most proud with this one is just the way she handles social emotional development. I don’t know if she gets this from me. Like to think that she does, but she’s so smart, she sees people and she can decipher like You only said that because you’re hurting inside, that statement alone is so profoundly mature. I mean to say, you know, I guess you could break things down and say, I’m, you know, my friend did this, and they did that, but I could just tell they did that because they’re hurting. I know they didn’t mean it that kind of stuff. It’s like, Oh, wow. My brain is exploding. How can you do this? At 12, it took me, I want to say, forever, to learn that type of skill, and so many adults are still learning how to figure out social, emotional things, and oh my gosh, Naya, she’s so kind. She’s so kind. She just has the best heart. I feel like she wants to help people. She’s going to be extremely like, just giving to the world someday, and I’m already proud of her for the things that I know that she’s going to do, because it’s who she is, and that sometimes that’s just how it is when you have a younger child and they’re still learning and figuring out themselves, but you can see their heart, if you’re that kind of parent, you’re just like, oh my gosh, I could just see where they’re going to be, like, that’s it, right? You can see it inside of them, that spark, that light, and that is what my Naya has. She has that spark and light that you’re like, Oh my gosh. I can’t wait to find out what you’re going to do. I’m so, so proud of the little woman she is. I mean, I have zero negative things about this child she is. She has been fairly easy so far in life. I know teenage years are coming, and I’m probably into turbulent waters coming up soon as even this morning, I can just see those hormones raging. I was trying to be so nice to her. I don’t know if you ever had a morning of the pre adolescent where you you could just tell they woke up on the wrong side of the bed, the hormones are just out there and just boom, boom, raging inside their body, hello. And they’re just like, glare, and I made you some breakfast. I don’t like that. And you know, it was one of those mornings, and those kind of things you just cannot take personally as parents. You just have to get out of their child’s way and let them and to make matters worse, she’s in this bad mood, and she’s trying to print something out for school, and my printer doesn’t work, and I can just see the tears starting to well up behind her eyes. She’s extremely frustrated. She’s already volatile, but again, I’m going to go back to being so proud of her. It’s in these little moments that I’m talking about with this child that I know she’s raging inside. I know her hormones are telling her to be grumpy and and she’s like hating life at the moment, just because of all the you know, rage inside of her body. And now she’s having trouble with printing, and she’s we’re gonna get to school late and get to see the meltdown coming this child, she held it together for the most part, right? She really did. I mean, I couldn’t say anything, I couldn’t try to help because it was just gonna make that situation worse, and I knew better than to do that. But okay, she held it together, and she was upset, but she could have screamed, she could have kicked, she could have yelled. She could have made even a bigger deal out of it than it needed to be, and she was trying. And it is that social, emotional grip that she has at such a young age that is just so massively impressive. It’s beyond what I can even hope for. And nya is the one that’s most like me. Of all my kids, I think she’s the one that’s most like me. I see me in her so much, and I know you probably have a child too that is most like you, and you can’t help but have a special love for that kind of person who you can see yourself in, And it’s can be very turbulent when you have a child that’s just like you, because you can butt heads, but you can also have amazing bonds, and it’s all about how you navigate that I hope that that you know you could figure that out And figure out that balance, because talk about an amazing opportunity with a special type of person. I mean, you don’t get to meet people who are just like you. Very often, most people are absolutely not like you. But if you have the gift of having a child that reflects who you are. And it is somewhat of a little me, but in their own way, it is a gift. It is a totally a gift. And there is a special love there that is indescribable, because you see yourself the mirror, it’s a mirror, and I think it helps me also give myself and a little grace. And I remember little Kristina a lot when I see little Nia, and that’s awesome. It’s really, really awesome. Now I have four kids I should move when we move on to the next one. I don’t want to spend too much time on each kid, but the next one is my third in line, and this kid, how is Xander? Xander was always like my my little boy. I mean, we’ve always had a good bond together from the time he came out, we were just buddies. He was my buddy. We used to just do everything together, Xander in tote and he were just happy as can be, just being with me all the time, even as a little baby. And then Xander went through a really rough patch at school, where he had some anger management issues that I didn’t understand, and I still to this day do not understand them. It got really bad. I had to really dig deep down and figure out how to do anger management stuff, which is why I even kind of inspired me to even do The Impactful Parent, to be honest, was because of him to I needed support in that time of parenting when I didn’t understand what’s going on with my kid, and he was getting kicked out of school and raging, and I was really, really afraid for him, and he was very young, still very young, and so I did all the research and all the things that I could to help him, and we got through that time. I still don’t understand it, but how proud am I of him for pulling past all of that, and then he went into a new school that he started really, you know, figuring his way out. And he’s always been an introvert, which is not me at all. Xander is definitely not like me. He is different. He’s a lot like his dad, actually, and but he’s very introverted, and I had to learn how to navigate a It’s not shy, it’s just quiet and reserved child and and to see him, he’s such a thinker. Everything’s in his head, and he he’s such a profound feeler. He feels so deeply. Oh my gosh, if you have a deeply feeling child, you know what this is. It’s it’s all the emotion, the happies are really happy, the sads are really sad, the Mads are really mad, and that type of emotional roller coaster is exhausting. But how proud am I for zander for learning how to control that, to take those big feelings and learn how to rein them in and use them for good instead of constantly raging, which is so easy to do when you have such big feelings. He is the reason I did my behavior management program in The Impactful Parent, because I had to go through that journey with him, and then, now today, Xander is a freshman in high school, and Xander has always had a difficulty, I don’t know. I don’t want to say making friends, because he said he’s a nice kid. So he has a ton of acquaintances, but he does have a hard time making really authentic connections with people, and that blows my mind, because I don’t know how to deal with that. I’m not like that. I beat you see me. I’m doing this podcast. I’m like, I’m always reaching out to people, and with Xander being so preserved and conservative and and again, introverted, it’s hard for me to relate to that. I’m so proud of how he’s entered high school. Doesn’t know anybody brand new school literally went there all on his own, not not following a class of kids, working hard, getting his stuff done, and he does it without those really, really strong, you know, like that friendship. I want him to have friends so bad. But that’s me, you know, I want that because I value it so much, and I’m just so proud of him that he he navigates it, he navigates what he needs, and I know he will find people that he resonates with in this new school. It might take him a while, as it took him quite a while the last time he changed schools, but he’ll find them. And I admire so much how he just pushes on. He goes by the beat of his own drum. And I hope that as you’re listening to this, you can even hear your kids and my kids, you know, like, because they’re all kind of the same, you know, they’re kids, are kids, and I know that they all exhibit some of these qualities. And if you have a kid like, like mine, then you know, you know that kid that just introverted, but it’s amazing. Kid the opposite of you, but it’s amazing, and to this day, that kid is still my buddy. Man. I enjoy spending time with him. I love time with Andrew. It’s awesome. Let’s get to the next one. Cody. Cody and Cortez, I’m gonna try not to cry, because they’re older. They are now in college at the time of this recording, and they have been through their high school years, and they have been through a lot some more living so I guess I have more things to say. There’s more things to talk about with them. Not to make Xander and nya any less. It’s just that again, less life experience. And Cody has been through a ton, and so has Cortez. Oh, my but Cody. I admire Cody for knowing who he is and standing up for everything that he believes in with this on wavering on like conviction this kid is stronger than I could have ever imagined, emotionally, everything. He’s just amazing. I don’t know how I birthed this child again, not like me, probably a lot more, like his dad. For those of you who’ve been following the impactful podcast with me for a while, Cody is trans and was born Carly, and when Carly switched to Cody, that was a whole journey that I talk about inside my app and all things. And I mean, I don’t even want to get into that now, but Cody has always known who he was, and maybe he didn’t know that he was trans for a long time, but Cody is that kind of person that says, I know my morals, I know what’s right and wrong, I know what’s Just what’s what he stands for, and he’s so unwavering about it, so unwavering, so strong. So when he finally, when Cody did come out and was able to authentically step into the person that he is, it was with a strength that I don’t even know if I have inside of me, and I feel like I’m a pretty strong person, but, man, Cody did it. I don’t understand that. I don’t understand everything in Cody’s life, but I don’t need to. You know, I’m just here to support Cody and Cody’s journey, and admire the strength that it takes to do the things that Cody does. And I just, I don’t even think he realizes how strong he is and how amazing he is, because he is and there’s a lot of adversity that Cody has gone through with being part of the LGBTQ community, and will go through his whole life and fearful every single day for that child, for the mean people In the world who want to hurt my child. I get Not, not what, not understanding him. I get, maybe not even agreeing with him. But it’s scary when people want to hurt somebody that isn’t bothering anyone else, and is just living their life. And it’s a fear I live with every single day. But Cody is strong, and it goes back to that admiration I have for that kid that he’s willing to walk the walk. And some of us don’t have that in us. You know, we don’t. I don’t know if I could. Can’t tell you how proud of him I am, of that kid. Wow, to know that that kid is going to do great things someday. He’s such a humanitarian. All he wants to do is make the world a better place and help people. What else could I ask for amazing and Cortez? Cortez, had has always been a different child. I being the first in line with a new mom, and didn’t know what I was doing most of the time. And from the time that Cortez was very little, I knew something was off, and I didn’t know what it was. It turned out he had dyslexia and some pretty severe sensory processing disorder, which looks a lot like ADHD, but it’s not and Cortez has faced this adversity his whole life, like his whole life. We were always trying to figure out what was going on. We knew something was wrong, but we didn’t know what it was. He’s been to every single type of therapy that you might be able to think of if you have this kind of kid, oh my gosh, you know, if you know the kid that you got to try to figure out what the heck is going on with you? That was Cortez. And through it all, that kid had such a great attitude, never complained. And Cody, for that matter, too. Cody had to get dragged along to all those therapy appointments. Never complained. No, it was probably really confusing for Cody to watch Cortez go and do all this type of therapy, and a lot of therapies play therapy, especially when the kids are young, and Cody not being able to do that, and Cortez being able to go and have fun and play on these jungle gyms for his sensory processing disorder. But Cody, you’re not allowed to do that. Yeah. But all that, Cortez was always trying to be the best. He always had a positive attitude. He always was trying to see the best in people and in the situation, and just do the best out of it. God, I admire that. I admire that. And I admire how he never, never gave up. There’s a strength inside Cortez also that I don’t understand, that he just embodies and I admire so much more recently. You know, he’s a film major, and he’s making waves in the new film industry, and he’s doing some controversial film making that pushes the envelope of, I don’t know of what’s out there right now for for college kids, and he downright got canceled by his community at school. Nobody will talk to him. Nobody wants to hang out with him. They don’t want to be a part of his film. I can’t even imagine having that type of rejection, want to cry talking about it, because you hate it. I always hate it when you know your kids get rejected by society, it’s so hard. And so he’s he got in canceled culture. And through it all. He is persevered. He knows, just like Cody, what he stands for, who he is and what his goals are, and he will not let any one stand in his way. God, I’m so proud. I’m so proud my kids. It’s just amazing to me how I birth these people with so much strength. When I don’t feel it that’s me. And yet I do know like I do know that that’s me. I do know that I’m strong too, but I’m so grateful that my ex husband, me and our whole family and community have somehow lifted these four people up, and that they can stand on their two feet with such conviction, all of them, all of them. Do you see a theme here, even in the hardest parts of adversity? And I say it time and time again in this parenting podcast that it’s so hard to watch your kids go through adversity because you don’t want them to feel any pain. But it’s with the pain that they grow and they learn who they are, and they learn how to overcome, and they learn how all these great lessons in life. It is through that adversity that they need, and so you can’t shelter them from any of that, or not. You can’t shelter from all of that. And I’m just I’m grateful so far that the adversity that my kids have gone through has been things that they have been able to handle things that have I know will rise them up and make them even better people. And although it’s so extremely hard as a parent to sit back and watch it, it’s truly amazing to be that parent that says, oh my god, I’m so proud of you, so proud of you. I know that your children probably too have adversity. I know that your children too have been through some, probably some really hard times, or will go through hard times if your children are young. So to remember that, remember these lessons that life throws at us, and if we can shift to, what can we learn from this? How can we grow from this that is our our positioning as parents of guidance, because we can’t control we have to let control. The day, as a parent that I let go of the idea that I can control my children or what happens to them, and truly lean into that sentiment. It was such a freeing day. It was a day that I was able to finally get a load off of my shoulders. Now it also comes with tons of fear and anxiety and all the other kinds of emotion, but you have to accept that you cannot control and when you can do that, the second step then is, if I can’t control, how do I support? How do I how do I get them to learn? And that’s us, that’s us as parents, that’s that’s how we become an impactful parent. It’s through coaching, it’s through guiding, it’s through that leadership, but it’s not for doing for them. It’s not from protecting them. See there’s a huge difference there, and I feel like maybe as a parent, that’s something that I’ve done right because I see a four children and all the adversity that they are going through, have gone through, or will go through, and I know that we can get through it together. And I tell them that we will get through it together. You are not alone. I will stand by here with you, and that’s what we need to do, doesn’t we need to do as parents? Isn’t it wonderful? I mean, it’s awesome. That’s our role. It’s great. Oh my gosh, I’m crying and I’m emotional. And yes, these new podcasts are just, they kind of take me by surprise, because, again, I don’t they’re all unscripted. I have no idea what I’m going to say, and I talk off the top of my head, and some days I’m very articulate, and some days is just not, but it is. It is real me. So I hope that you’ve gotten something from this today, and you could take it with you, and it will benefit your life too. Be proud of your kids. There’s so much to be proud for, and in the end, you’re there to support them. You’re there to lift them up, to guide them, to coach, to lead. And so you should be proud too. I am proud. I’m proud of the mom I am. I’m not perfect, but the whole goal is to do more right things and wrong. then I think I’m doing that. All right, checking out on another episode. All right, checking out on another episode. I love you guys. I love you guys.