Thinking Traps and Cognitive Distortions can be making your child anxious. Help teen anxiety by understanding thinking traps.
She is crying. She won’t stop. She sobs in her pillow and grips her blankets tightly around her body to give herself a blanket-body-hug. “What’s going on? What happened?” I ask. “The whole assignment is ruined! I am failing for-sure! I might as well just give up!” she responds.
I didn’t know what to do. I sat there and listened. I tried to empathize. I told my daughter that those thoughts didn’t seem to match reality. “I don’t think you’ll fail. Don’t give up! You can do this!” I said. I tried to offer encouragement, but she wouldn’t hear it. She rejected everything I had to say. I offered advice when she was ready, but it was evident that I wasn’t helping.
Have you ever been in this type of situation? Your child is not rational, and their thinking seems distorted? Their perception of reality is skewed. Have you ever heard, “He thinks I am stupid!” or “If I don’t have my phone, then my life is over!” Well, if this sounds familiar, then join the club. My heart aches to hear my child so helpless. It’s painful to watch them spiral into hopelessness. What can we do? It feels like nothing works.
Thinking Traps and Cognitive distortions
Psychologists call this behavior getting stuck in Thinking Traps. We all do it, adults, too. Thinking Traps are normal and common. We catastrophize our perceived situation, we see only the world in black and white, we imagine what others must be thinking of us… the list goes on. There are several kinds of Thinking Traps. Each one unique and can be destructive to our mental health. How then, do we help our kids when they get stuck inside one of these thinking spirals? Well, as a fellow parent, I will tell you that it isn’t easy.
This week, on the Bigger Impact Video, I will be talking about common Thinking Traps. I will discuss what they are and strategies to combat them. However, the first step is awareness. Identifying that your child is stuck in a Thinking Trap is step one. If you can recognize a Thinking Trap when you see it, then you can empathize and strategically help them unravel. Your child is not trying to be difficult. Their brain is stuck like a scratched record. Until you watch Wednesday’s video, here are some strategies to think about.
- Help your child get grounded. This means, help them think of something different. Move their attention away from the problem for a little while. Concentrate on breathing, their heart beating, or simply get them to talk about something else for a while until they calm down, and you can revisit the problem more rationally.
- Teach them about Thinking Traps. Make them aware of what they are and how they can be a problem. Then, help them recognize when they may be in a Thinking Trap situation.
- Give them a reality check. Ask the child questions to make them realize that they could be irrational. Challenge the Thinking Traps with strategic questions.
- Roleplay different solutions. Allow them to see other possible outcomes visually.