How To Love A Teenager: The Five Love Languages

How To Love A Teenager.

Gary Chapman’s 5 Love Languages is a great way to figure out how best to show your child you love them (no matter their age.)

Hello, my name is Kristina Campos. I am the founder of the Impactful Parent. Every week I give you parenting videos that can help you in your parenting journey. If you have a particular topic or parenting question about your school-aged child that you would like me to address, please submit it at [email protected] or by messaging me on social media. All submissions are kept anonymous. 

The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. I will tell you what they are and give you ideas for how to apply them to your child. There will be some great ideas for bringing more intentional efforts to show love in your household today, so let’s get started!

Gary Chapman says that there are 5 ways that people show love and want to be loved. Most people will gravitate to 1 or 2 love languages. Still, they will also identify a little bit with all 5 love languages as well.

Knowing your love language and the love language of your loved ones is essential. This is how YOU, your spouse, and your kids perceive they are loved and how love is shown, too. Knowing the love languages of yourself and others will help strengthen your relationship. You will be able to communicate needs better, feel more appreciated, and make more intentional efforts to show love to each other.

Luckily, Gary Chapman also gives kids and adults a love language quiz to discover their love language preferences. You can find this quiz at https://5lovelanguages.com/quizzes/love-language. The test is free.

Once you know your love language and that of your children, you will be able to intentionally speak that language, and your love will be better received.

Note: Don’t take the test yourself and assume you already know the love language of your children.  Instead, please have the child take the test too. Don’t make assumptions about anyone’s love language.  Although many people tend to show love the way they want to receive love, we naturally have unfair biases if we assume.  It is important to accurately assess everyone’s love language in your household. Take the test.

The 5 Love languages by Gary Chapman

Words of Affirmation

              If you are a person that loves unsolicited compliments and encouragement, then this could be your love language.

This child thrives on your approval and praise. Sometimes these kids are people pleasers and need you to acknowledge them, their efforts, and their victories. If you have a child with words of affirmation as their love language, here are some ideas for intentionally showing this child that you love them.

How To Love A Teenager: The 5 Love Languages

• Ask your child if they are working toward anything. Do they have a goal? Perhaps they want an A on an exam or have a big project for school. Praising your child for their efforts and verbally encouraging them.
• Thank your child for their good behavior. Thank yous will go a long way with this kid.
• Display your child’s good work and efforts in a visible place, like on a tack board or refrigerator.
• Praise your child for a job well done whenever possible.
• Brag to others about your child when you know the child is in earshot or will find out you were talking about them.
• Leave notes in their lunchbox or use sticky notes to leave your child notes of encouragement, inspiration, and praise around the house.
• If your child has a phone, text your child with words of encouragement.
• Tell your child that you love them.

Bottom line: “The pen (and the spoken word) is mightier than the sword. What you say matters, so focus on encouragement, acknowledgment, and articulating your love verbally.

Physical Touch

              Someone touching you means a lot if you identify with this love language. Keep in mind that touch does not have to be sexual. Children have physical contact as their love language too.

This child will need hugs and kisses. But beyond hugs and kisses, how else can you show someone with a physical touch that you love them? Below are some ideas.

• A pat on the back when you are proud of your child.
• Holding hands when you walk together or are sitting close.
• Dance together. Take Ballroom dance lessons.
• Comb your child’s hair for them.
• Run your hands through their hair when they are talking to you or trying to calm down.
• High fives for encouragement.
• Wrestle or play another contact sport together.
• Give your child a massage.

How To Love A Teenager: The 5 Love Languages

Bottom line: This person loves it when you touch them in a caring and loving manner. If you are a parent that spanks or slaps your child, then I would encourage you to reconsider your form of discipline because negative touch can be especially detrimental to the child’s mental health and your relationship.

Quality Time

              The people that resonate most with quality time need your undivided attention. They need a particular time to bond. These individuals want to feel cherished and prioritized. Spending meaningful time together is how they feel loved.

Remember that crafting quality time needs to be intentional and have some parameters. For example, No cell phones, No siblings, and No unwanted distractions. Typically, quality time is one-on-one with the person you love. The following examples are ways to cultivate this one-on-one, device-free, personal time with your children.

• Read a book together.
• Go for a walk in the park.
• Cook together.
• Go on a vacation or staycation.
• Do a fantastic one-on-one fun day.
• Start a new hobby together.
• Ask your child specific questions about their day that require them to give more than a yes or no answer.
• Do an activity your child chooses with them (even if you don’t like it.)

Bottom Line: Quality time should be one-on-one with your child above all else. It can be easy to cultivate activities because it doesn’t matter what you do as long as you are engaged and spending time together. The hard part is putting the phone down, putting work away, and making time away from everyone else in the family. Remember, no siblings.

Acts of Service

              If your love language is acts of service, you feel the most loved when someone does something for you. The old saying, “actions speak louder than words,” could not be more accurate than with a person whose love language are acts of service. Actions that go above and beyond, help these individuals feel your love towards them. Sometimes, acts of service are helpful. Sometimes, acts of service are thoughtful. Either way, this person will appreciate your intentional efforts to do something nice for them.

Here are some examples of things you can do to show your love to a child with acts of service as their love language.

How To Love A Teenager: The 5 Love Languages

• If your child is interested in a new activity, help them explore classes to take or get them supplies they may need.
• If they are having a difficult time doing an activity, help them.
• Make a special breakfast for your child.
• Go with your child to do some community service activities together.
• If your child is running late for school, help them by making their lunch, warming up their car, emailing their teachers, or doing whatever you can to take something off their plate.
• If your child is stressed, make your child their favorite comfort food and think about what you can do to take something off their to-do list.
• When your child is sick, make them some special soup and put on their favorite movie.
• When your teenager is having a crisis, even if you know the situation is ridiculous, sit with your child and listen to them.

Bottom line: Be intentional about doing the extra stuff. Please pay attention to their needs, wants, and desires. Take that information and find a way to do something a little special for them. It doesn’t have to be a big gesture. It must be a thoughtful gesture.

Gifts

              This is the most misunderstood of the 5 love languages. People with this love language tend to show and receive love through gift-giving; however, the misconception is that the gift has to be expensive. This is not the case. You can’t just give any gift to a person with the Gifting love language. The gift requires attention and empathy to mean something to the receiver. The meaning of the gift comes from the sentiment that the gift represents. 

Also, many people think that individuals with a gifting love language are materialistic or shallow. This is also not necessarily the case. The meaningfulness of the gift will come from the gift’s sentiment, not the cost.

With this in mind, here are some things you can do to show love to a child with gifts as their love language.

• Sending flowers for no reason, only to say I love you.
• Buying your child their favorite snack and putting it in their lunchbox.
• Buying tickets to their favorite music artist, musical, or Anime event.
• Surprise donuts for breakfast.
• A note in your child’s lunchbox or even a note mailed through the US postal office
• Gift your child with a photograph of a special moment.
• Give a handmade gift to show your child you care.
• Buy or create a special one-of-a-kind gift.

Bottom line: Your gift should be sentimental and unique in some way. Again, this isn’t about the cost of the present but more about the meaning the gift represents.

Those are Gary Chapman’s 5 Love Languages and my personal examples of how to implement love languages into your home.

When you know your loved one’s love language, you can speak to their heart in ways that you could not before. I challenge you to discover your child’s love language. Intentionally show your child how much you care for them by speaking to them in ways that will be meaningful to them. You got this!

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 But until next time, you got this, parents. I am just here to help.